The importance of still being your own person when you’re in a relationship

January 9, 2018

In the early stages of a relationship, it’s common to spend 99% of your time together. After all, you’re excited to get to know each other and spend time together. Usually, after 6-12 months of living out of each other’s pockets, you start to realise that you’re your own person and you need time to yourself to do what you enjoy. I think being your ‘own person’ when you’re in a relationship is so important.

Everyone needs their own space, it’s natural to want to be alone or to be spending time with your friends. I strongly believe that the key to a healthy relationship is to make sure you remain true to yourself and have time to yourself to grow and develop.

Be your own person in a relationship

When I first met Shaun, we were together all the time … We met at work so were quite literally together 24/7. I found myself in a situation where I never made the time to do things that I enjoyed doing and I rarely ever saw any of my friends. I reached a point where I knew I needed my space and Shaun was the same and needed his space too. Gradually, I started to make more of an effort to spend time developing my hobbies and seeing my friends and I’m 100 times happier now I’m my own person again.

Of course, for this to work you both need to be on board. I’m very lucky in that Shaun is so supportive of my hobbies (card making, anything creative and my blog). He encourages me to follow my dreams and work towards the future I want to build for myself. He’s also totally chill if I want an evening out with my girlfriends and this works both ways. He occasionally meets up with his friends for games nights and to watch the football etc.


1 – Have some hobbies that differ from your partner – Of course, it’s great to have hobbies that you can enjoy together. But it’s also great to have hobbies that you can do on your own. For me it’s being creative, growing my blog and making handmade cards.

2 – Make time to see your friends without your partner – Shaun and I will often meet up with my best friend and her boyfriend for a double date night which is great fun! However, I still like to see my girlfriends on my own; I try and meet up with them regularly for some girl time!

3 – Let your partner have alone time and make sure you do this too – This can be for the most simple things. For example, Shaun likes to watch football on the TV and I’m not that fussed about it. Instead of telling him he can’t watch it, I simply find something else to do with the time. Often he’ll be watching TV and I’m sat on my laptop writing blog posts and watching Youtube videos because that’s what I enjoy doing.

I hope you found this somewhat useful if you’re in a situation where you feel like you’ve lost yourself slightly. How do you remain your own person in your relationship? I’d love to read in the comments below 🙂

Charlotte xx

32 responses to “The importance of still being your own person when you’re in a relationship”

  1. Hayley says:

    I have been thinking ALOT about what I want from my next boyfriend and the type of person I want to meet and how the relationship should be.

    This hits the nail on the head:
    “He encourages me to follow my dreams and work towards the future I want to build for myself. He’s also totally chill if I want an evening out with my girlfriends and this works both ways. He occasionally meets up with his friends for games nights and to watch the football etc.”

    Beginning to realise just how toxic my previous relationship was. I am so looking forward to meeting someone who is worthy of my time. Until then, I am going to work on myself and learn to be happy on my own again!

    Hayley | hayleyxmartin

    • Charlotte Shares says:

      I’m so sorry that you found yourself in a toxic relationship but hopefully 2018 will bring you new experiences and someone that you truly deserve! ❤️

  2. Nora Gouma says:

    Interesting post, very inspiring, I love it, thank you for sharing!!!


  3. Emma says:

    I agree that it’s important in a relationship to have a bit of time apart to do what makes you happy, not only does it give you space it also gives you more to talk to each other about which I think also helps in a relationship x

  4. Polly says:

    Great advice! I have hobbies that get me out of the house without my fiancé two nights a week, but we still go to the gym together and go to restaurants. It’s a nice balance! 💗


  5. Lea says:

    This is such a lovely post and you found just the right words for it. I like that you make it sounds so positive and encouraging to not be all the time just a couple but that you should have your own space and time during the week etc.
    Really enjoyed reading it.
    Lea, xx

  6. These are such great tips! My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years this year, and now we live together so it’s absolutely vital that we find time to pursue our own hobbies just as much as we enjoy spending time with each other. It seems like you and your partner have found a good balance! x

  7. Dominique says:

    Time for myself is somewhat sacred for me so I wholeheartedly agree with you that -although you’re head over heels in love with one another- it’s still very important to keep YOURSELF busy and develop your own passions without it needing to be a ‘couple’ thing. Thank you for this post! 😉


  8. Such a fab post! It’s really important to not loose yourself in a relationship. Sure, grow together bit still keeping yourself, you, is the most important thing. These really are great tips.

    Jordanne ||

  9. Alys says:

    This is a great post, I’m a year into my first relationship and starting to understand the importance of everything you’ve mentioned above. Thanks for sharing this!

    • Charlotte Shares says:

      I found it was after about a year that it started to hit me … my best advice is to sit down together and talk about it! xx

  10. bryony baker says:

    This is such an inspiring post.It’s so lovely that your boyfriend encourages to follow your dreams, all guys should be that way x

  11. Lize says:

    I found this really helpful to my current situation. 2 year relationship and often find myself feeling upset if he wants time to himself, or guilty if I want time to myself. Thank you for this!

    • Charlotte Shares says:

      I’m glad you found it helpful! I went through a phase of feeling upset if he wanted time alone as well as I felt like he didn’t want to be with me … but I soon came to realise that was just me being ridiculous. If you need anyone to talk to I’m always here 🙂

  12. Emily Fox says:

    I’d completely agree with these, thanks for sharing! xx

  13. Eta Tomi says:

    This is completely true, and it helps to prevent clinging and total dependency on one’s partner in terms of attention, happiness etc.

    You have your own stuffs that make you happy and he has his own thing going on too, but yea there has to be balance too, something you both enjoy.

  14. ly says:

    Great advice. I’m a person that needs alone time & sister time & work time & friend time etc etc my relationship works so well because my bf is the same & we’re both perfectly comfortable with that. Being part of a couple is gorgeous, but never forget to be yourself too.

  15. Erica Rose says:

    This is interested my!

    I’m in a same sex relationship, and we share all the same friends. Although, my wife has more friends than I now because she’s currently at uni, and she also still talks to people she used to work with.

    A few years ago, I really struggled with this because I suffer with BPD, and had major attachment issues.

    Now after therapy, I am learning to be my own person and not getting so anxious about her going out. And I’m allowing myself to try new hobbies and things too.

    We still have friends together. Even on Facebook, our mutual friends are almost the same as our total amount of friends! But at least we have different interests and we have different career paths lined up. 🙂

    • Charlotte Shares says:

      This is a really interesting comment! I imagine having all mutual friends could be quite difficult at times. But it’s so lovely to hear that you’re now starting to try new things and hobbies after having therapy. You’ve taken the right steps and you should be proud of that! 🙂

  16. Charlotte says:

    This is actually what concerns me most about being in a relationship. I’m a very passionate, all or nothing person which means my relationships have always been quite intense. BUT after my first boyfriend and I broke up and had to deal with the messiness of mutual friends, it’s safe to say I will not be doing that again! Your relationship sounds very balanced and lovely so good for you, that isn’t easy to achieve!

    • Charlotte Shares says:

      Yeah I completely understand why it would concern you, it was something that used to concern me as well. I’ve had past relationships where I totally lost who I was and it was awful… But finally, I met Shaun who allows me to be my own person 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *